Cool Stuff for the Uncool

Hey! A New Post!

2011-03-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

I know I promised months ago to write about the Toronto After Dark Festival and I planned on writing about Toronto International Film Festival as well. Luckily, I'm only half a fucking liar. I did get to guest host on my most favourite of podcasts, The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema, which can be found at

http://theggtmc.blogspot.com/

Just look up the posts with uncoolcat on this years TADF and TIFF. I also reviewed Never Too Young to Die, One False Move, 9 Souls and Detective Dee and the Phantom Flame too! It's a great podcast, I would suggest listening to them all, Sam U Rai and Big Willy truly live up to their moniker "Gentlemen". And me talk much better than me write anyhows.

Toronto After Dark Festival-A Reason to Get Off My Fat Ass!

2010-08-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

How about that? A reason to write something. And what a reason at that.

My beloved Toronto After Dark Film Festival rolls back into town (can you figure out what town? There's a hint earlier in this post. Good luck!) and I'm gonna watch some of the films they've been so kind to present.

Unfortunately it's a busy, busy time at work so I won't get to see them all (those puppies won't kill themselves! LOL ;) ) but I plan on making a decent go of it. And you 13 lucky readers will get to read all about it and maybe in 10 years time I'll write something else too!

First up will be The Last Lovecraft, which my lovely wife has agreed to see with me. So stay tooned! (get it? because I draw cartoons on my blog. funny)

Asian Cult Cinema magazine is no more

2010-03-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

The only magazine that I had a subscription to closed it's doors today. They were an enormous part in steering me towards movies I wouldn't have seen otherwise. Just recently 3 of their writers, Graham Lewis, Jerome C. Morris and David Aaron Clark died, but through it's incredible 18 year run, the creator, Thomas Weisser, always had interesting guest contributors, ranging from horror novelists Edward Lee and Jack Ketchum to Oliver Stone.

Sad, sad news. Best of luck to Weisser with whatever the future holds for him.

The Video Store Graveyard!

2010-02-25T10:29:00.000-08:00

Remember your first video store? Mine was in a gas station that rented video discs, where you'd have to rent the player as well. There I discovered American Werewolf in London and National Lampoon's Vacation, which we'd rent once every visit. Shortly after that a furniture store started carrying a few VHS tapes that they had off to the side of the floor. There I remember getting Vigilante, A Clockwork Orange and The Exterminator. Usually renting a tape meant renting a VCR to go with it. One of my favourite Christmases ever was when we got a VCR of our very own, though it was still good to rent one occasionally to do the old taping a cassette via the stereo cords to another VCR (a practice I had continued for a long while, even with DVD to VCR in later years).

Throughout my life I've always had a go-to video store. Some were amazing, but even the ones run out of a variety store hold a warm spot in my heart. When I was moving around as a student and in between school, the first thing I'd do once I got all settled into a new place is check out the nearest video stores. The excitement I'd feel as I cruised up and down the video aisles, finding treasures and trash, hasn't really been duplicated in any other form of cinema viewing. I grew up in the age of the video store, and I'd have it no other way.

Most of the quality video stores I'd frequent, usually have knowledgeable staff who I could discuss films I love or hate, and would help me discover many films that would become my favourites. There is a real sense of community in some of these shops, especially those that cater to the niche market of the "film buff", whether it be cult films (my poison), classics or others. Another customer could easily get involved in a conversation you may be having with your "DVD Dealer", and next thing you know there's a group of people talking film and even introducing you to films you might have never seen (this happened to me less than a week ago). I can't tell you the number of times I've asked a counter person, "Seen anything good lately?" and have come home with films that knocked my socks off.

I too was a "counterperson" for years, mostly at video stores that are the Corporate monsters everyone hates. Yet, I remember when Blockbuster first opened in Canada, and I was living in Welland, Ontario (not much of a variety of video stores) and I was thrilled with many of the films they carried that I could never see earlier, since they were either censored in Canada or just unavailable. They had Day of the Dead Unrated! I had only seen the chopped up Canadian version, so when I rented the uncut one this film skyrocketed from being a two and a half star film to a five star film that night. There were all those scenes I'd seen in my Romero book and Fangoria. That tape got rented by all my friends afterwards too, along with Tetsuo: The Iron Man, Man Bites Dog, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Eyes Without a Face and many more. Blockbuster may be a heartless, faceless corporation, but I definitely have very fond memories of going through their selection.

Sadly, the video store is dying a slow and cruel death. Where there once was the joy of discovery and the magic of being in a place that was devoted to film, there is now a fairly desolate place with the odd folk coming through to browse the aisles to get a good idea of what to download that night. With video stores closing all over the place, not surprisingly it's the big chains that are pulling the plug first and getting out after pillaging all the smaller video store's customers (isn't it odd how Blockbuster always opened up near another video store? That wasn't a coincidence), it's only a matter of time until they are all gone. Films are disposable now, they hold no importance to a lot of people. It makes sense, when there is so much available (at the click of a button) it's only natural to think of something as common and not at all special. Even film buffs plow through films so fast they don't appreciate them the way they would if there was even a little bit more difficulty in seeing them. With the loss of the video store, we are one step closer to losing film as art.

I'm sure lots of people out there still support the video store, but I'm terrified that most are waiting for 5 years after the final one closes it's doors before they get nostalgic about something they killed.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! NOW HERE'S SOME PORN

2010-02-12T20:06:00.001-08:00

First off, if this is Mrs. Guitarbrother, Happy Valentines Day! No need to read any further.

Porn. How many have you actually seen? If you're anything like me you could probably count them on both hands... if they're not busy. Of course, that's not including clips here and there (daily) with the sound turned down. I was actually thinking a while back about whether I've seen more porn clips with or without audio. I realized the answer would be silent, by a landslide. To watch porn now with the sound actually on might blow my mind. That's right, my mind.

If you're a fan of bizarre and offbeat cinema you more than likely have made your way into the porn section of your local alternative video store. Rumours of films so unhinged and removed from the mainstream perhaps lead you there or maybe utter despairing loneliness. Either way, there is a treasure trove in the XXX world of strange, strange films. These are some of the porns I actually sat down and watched like a would a non-porn film. This list is in no way comprehensive, I seldom rent pornos to view this way. The main problem being is that the sex scenes are usually so bloody long, and I'm one of those weirdo purists who believes that if you fast forward through even a minute of any film you can't honestly say you've seen it. So if there are any truly awesome films I've missed, please leave a comment with your recommendation since I'm always happy to explore good films in any genre. With or without kleenex.

CAFE FLESH

I thought I'd start off with my favourite. When I was around 19 years old I read about this magnificent flick in either Cult Films volume one or two. I couldn't believe what this movie promised.

In the future, after a nuclear holocaust, there are now two groups of people. Sex Negatives, folks who get sick if they are even aroused too much, and Sex Positives, those who can still have sex. The Sex Positives are forced to perform lifeless sexual acts for the Sex Negatives to view passionlessly at a club called Cafe Flesh.

The director, Rinse Dream (Stephen Sayadian) has made a stylish, surrealistic, well paced (sex scenes too!) and visually interesting film regardless of it's XXX rating. And the story is intelligent and funny. In fact, many are pissed off that it bites the very hand that feeds it. This is a damning condemnation of porno and the folks who watch it. Back in my early 20s I worked for a short time at a rental store that specialized in adult entertainment and I recommended this film to one of the customers. When he returned it he simply said to me, "Don't recommend this to anyone else". I guess it has it's detractors.

I guess you should see this if you are a fan of weird cinema, but not if your thinking of spending a romantic night alone.

HYPERTROPHY GENITALS GIRL

The most recent of my XXX viewings. This is a new film from Noboru Iguchi, the director of Machine Girl and Sukeban Boy. I've yet to see Sukeban Boy (to watch pile) but Machine Girl is one of my favourites of the new batch of Japanese gore films. I remember hearing that Machine Girl is littered with porn actresses and after seeing Hypertrophy Genitals Girl I looked into his back catalogue and see why. What a pornographer his guy is! If those porns are anything like this bizarro piece he could be one of the world's greatest dirty movie makers.

I bought Hypertrophy Genitals Girl (from the wonderful and wacky Eyesore Cinema) without subtitles but was assured that this would not hamper in any way my enjoyment of the film. Actually , the fact that there were no subtitles made the film possibly more entertaining since I had to imagine what the characters were saying, which in a movie with such fucked up scenarios, made the movie more surreal. Here's what I could make out:

A Japanese girl runs into friend while she seemingly has to pee very badly. They encounter a silver, penis headed alien that punches them in the gut and gives them enlarged genitalia by ejaculating laser beams from his head (sold yet?).

The "has to pee" girl discovers she now has an enormous penis and is immdiately attacked by street youths (one looking like a Japanese version of Lipps from Anvil) who, of course, want to play with her penis. Kids these days.

She makes her escape, only to pop a boner. She runs around a small town with her massive erection sticking out from her skirt and is eventually accosted by the townfolk who hold her and take pictures of her wang. In restraining her they use the "hold by the breasts" method that the street youths did. Is this a legit way of restraining people? She escapes again to hide and masturbate, so obviously she has "possessing a dick" mastered. Here we get the pleasure of seeing that along with growing a giant pecker she has also gained a bush the size of someone's front lawn. Yikes.

The other friend wakes up to discover she now has an enlarged vagina. The same group of punk kids attack her. I guess penis or vagina mean nothing to these dissatisfied youths. Do they just roam the park in search of engorged genitals? Later, a man in a white lab coat punches her in the gut (another traditional move along with the "breast grope"?) and she blacks out.

Big Dick discovers her boobs have now grown enormous as well. At least she seems delighted at this. She's discovered by a couple who tie her (and her dick) up to apparently keep as a sex slave. They have sex. For a long time. Here's where porno scenes pretty much take up the rest of the film.

Big Vag wakes up tied up to a chair and a sweaty doctor (?), who is fascinated with her newly engorged hoo-ha proceeds to fondle her (I'm sensing a running theme of sex here). He's interrupted by penishead alien, who puts him into a trance like state so that he might help penishead get it on with big vag, with his penis head not surprisingly. And vibrators... surprisingly. She squirts (I believe that's the medical term) all over the joint and both penishead and the doctor die painfully. Big vag realizes that this could very well be her superpower.

Big Vag finds Big Dick, worse for wear after being a sex slave, and carries her away. They find a romantic hideaway and (spoiler alert) get it on. It's like they were made (by a penisheaded alien) for each other. Fuck The Notebook.

FORCED ENTRY

Whoa. I read about this years ago in Shock Cinema and just had to see it. And unbelievably, it actually has a legitimate DVD release in North America. Made by Shaun Costello and starring Harry Reems, this is one messed up film. A Vietnam vet, who has many flashbacks, giving Costello the chance to show tons of war atrocity footage (in a porn!), follows women home to rape and/or kill them. This is what is termed as a "roughie", and boy is it ever. There are some films you feel like you need to shower immediately after seeing, but I suggest you watch this one from the shower. And you still won't be clean. Ever again.

WATERPOWER

Another Shock Cinema recommendation. Not quite as brutal as Forced Entry (not much is) but is still a surprisingly rough XXX film from sleazemeister Shaun Costello. This is known as the Taxi Driver of porn/enema films (is there a Sound of Music of porn/enema films?) and really does bring to mind Scorsese's classic. The always lovable Jamie Gillis plays a Travis Bickle type of character who stumbles upon a live enema show. It seems he found his calling. He goes back to his filthy, porn magazine decorated apartment to begin his new life as "The Enema Bandit". He breaks into women's homes, rapes them and gives them enemas. Fortunately, the sex scenes are reasonably short in this one. Gillis' narration where he obsesses about women who need to be cleaned up is both hilarious and unsettling. Both this and Forced Entry are very stylish and well told downbeat stories that fit well into the American seventies cinema canon.

NINE LIVES OF A WET PUSSY

I saw this no more than a year ago and barely remember a thing in it, but I do remember liking it. Abel Ferarra's debut feature, where he plays a role himself (with a stunt cock I've been told), this is a must see for fans of his early work. How many directors have a porno in their repertoire that you have to view in order to be a completist?

LET MY PUPPETS COME

The Muppet Show with XXX scenes. It's been a while since I've seen this oddity, but I remember it seeming like a real product of it's time. Definitely worth seeking out.

THUNDERCRACK!

Pure insanity. A black and white porno that takes place in a creepy old dark house with an insane resident who takes in guests on a dark and stormy night. It gets very bizarre as the hostess' performance goes balls out crazy, the set pieces become more surreal and a gorilla makes it's way into the plot. Considered more of an arthouse item than a porno, this is an all time classic. I would recommend this to anyone seeking a strange porn, but for those wary of watching gay goings ons, there is one scene of man on man action. Highly, highly recommended.

PARTY DOLL A GO GO

Rinse Dream takes his stylized dialogue from Cafe Flesh even further. He experiments with editing, performances and images, but it's not near as transgressive as Cafe Flesh. I like this one a lot, it plays a lot more like an experimental film than a linear movie.

THE DEVIL IN MISS JONES

It's been ages since I've seen this one, but I distinctly remember the beginning and ending, which I thought were pure genius. Opening a porn film with a suicide was something that was rarely seen but the ending with Miss Jones trapped in hell with the director in a cameo is truly something to behold. I wouldn't want to spoil it, but it really is wonderfully bizarre. I should probably get around to re-watching this one day, I remember it being very stylish as well.

DEEP THROAT

Another film I saw so long ago I barely remember anything about it, though I do remember it was much funnier than I thought it was going to be. I don't know if I'll ever revisit this one, but I will probably watch one or two of the many documentaries on the film.

CALIGULA

The mother of all pornos. Such an unbelievable turkey that it really must be seen to be believed. One of the main problems is the editing, which is credited to "the production". No pacing whatsoever, it seems they use more outtakes than real performances (and it has been suggested that they do on the amazing 3 DVD must have set). Watch the scene where Caligula carries his sister up the stairs. It's done in a wide shot, and stays there, never cutting away as Malcolm McDowell seems to overact along with grunt and struggle to get the actress up the stairs.

This is one of the craziest films ever made. A star studded movie that the producer Bob Guccione (Penthouse magazine publisher) added hardcore scenes to after it was shot. That helped catapult it to the status it has today, but even without those scenes, this is possibly the biggest train wreck put to film. Extravagant sets that were too big to capture on film, director and producer disagreements and actors that knew they were in a spiraling out of control plane crash of a flick. If you don't own the 3 disc special edition and have any interest in the film at all, you need to get it. It covers almost everything you could ever want to know about this amazing failure. A must see.

THE TEXAS DILDO MASQUERADE

Another film I heard about from Shock Cinema, this is a great porn parody of the original classic, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Along with my buddy Timbo, I rented this film and we sat down to enjoy this little gem. Only problem, the sex scenes are super long in this one. Sitting next to your buddy on the couch as an actress yells in a deep, guttural voice, "Fuck my ass" for the 40th time, gets a little uncomfortable. But the non-sex scenes are priceless, as the cast and crew put their hearts into everything about the film. It's obvious someone involved in this film really loves The Texas Chainsaw Massacre very much. I haven't really seen any other porn parodies, but I can't imagine any being much more sincere than this.

SLAUGHTER DISC

The only horror/porn hybrid I've watched to date. Since it attempts to be a horror film, the pacing is severely flawed due to it having to pause all the time so people can have sex for generous gaps. Sure they pile on the gore, but the filmmakers needed to figure out a way so that the sex and horror worked together rather than having both elements seemingly fight each other.

Well, there you have it, for now at least. As I wrote earlier, if there are any that are absolute must sees let me know. Unlike other genre films, there are few magazines or reference books that point the way to interesting and strange XXX works. Now back to watching 5 minute clips with the sound off!

Movies, movies, movies.... and movies

2010-02-01T11:00:00.001-08:00

I recently dropped by one of Toronto's best video stores, Eyesore Cinema, to pre-order the House of the Devil DVD/VHS super duper package deal and thought I'd grab me some viewing material. Daniel (the owner) always has an outstanding selection of films I would defy anyone to find elsewhere in the city. On previous visits I've picked up Kioyoshi Kurosawa's impossible to find Sweet Home and later grabbed Unlucky Monkey with the director's commentary. This visit I picked up Noboru Iguchi's Sukeban Boy and Hypertrophy Genitals Girl which I very much look forward to seeing... when the wife is away. She thinks I'm peculiar enough without walking in on me watching a movie about a girl who grows a massive ding dong. And I finally got myself a membership as well. I poo poohed my previous reason for not getting a membership because the store was too far away to return the movies on time when I was confronted with the awesomeness of the DVD selection. Like a junkie in a heroin boutique, I needed more! And here I present my little reviews of what I brought home that fateful night.

GODMONSTER OF INDIAN FLATS

This certainly was not what I expected. What I thought was going to be a funny, low-budget creature feature turned out to be pure madness. In brief, Eddie, a sheep herder goes into town in the back of a pickup truck shared with half a dozen sheep, accompanied by church music of course, and enters an empty casino as creepy music plays on the soundtrack. Cut to a bustling casino and Eddie has come into some money! Some dude invites Eddie to accompany him to a bar in another town only to have Eddie's money stoled by a woman of the night. He accuses her and everyone in the bar takes a turn at beating him up. The local doctor brings Eddie back to his stable where Eddie has a vision and one of his sheep gives birth to a monster fetus. That's probably the first 10 minutes. Then Eddie and our monster are left by the wayside as we have a businessman vs the restoration committee, the doctor performing experiments, a lynch mob, a relationship with Eddie and the wonderfully named Mariposa and the monster actually goes on a rampage within the last 20 minutes.

Godmonster is packed with entertainment. Filled with subplot upon subplot and a hilarious monster suit there is seldom a moment of boredom. I've read that this film was considered lost for a long time, but thank goodness it was found. There is so much more to this bonkers film than just a monster movie.

THE FORGOTTEN ONES

Oh dear me. Here's a movie filled with unlikable characters doing dumb things in a silly story. But if you are a bad STV movie fan, you could do far worse.

The movie is about a group of friends (who don't seem to like each other very much): a douchebag boyfriend and his nagging girlfriend (the hero of the film), a ditzy blonde bimbo and her goofy overweight, rich boyfriend and some other douchebag who is upset with the bimbo for dumping him for fatso. Sounds like a fun trip, don't it? All they needed to do was invite a date rapist and they could be characters in a reality show.

Anyway, boat crashes, they get stuck on island with a killer tribe of neanderthals and the naggy heroine finds her inner strength. Actually, the film has a decent opening showing a group of researchers in the past getting killed, but about 20 minutes later I was fading fast. Then something miraculous happened. I was already sick of the nagging lead character who, upon getting stuck on the island, demands that she and her boyfriend abandon everyone by taking off in the only life raft that made it out of the shipwreck. Rather than the boyfriend saying, "Are you fucking kidding me? Wait, you are, aren't you? You almost had me there. I really thought you wanted to take a life raft and paddle into the vast ocean rather than waiting to be rescued using the radio readily available to us. You are kidding, right? You have to be. I mean, it would really be fucked up if you were serious... right?" he walks away. Then our heroine (Liz, to us in the know) storms away to go to the bathroom in the jungle. As she is piddling away she cuts a fart. A big one. And does not acknowledge it at all (me guesses the editor was allowed to put this in since no one had any faith in the movie anyway), so at this point the movie could do whatever it wanted, I was now happy I saw it.

And there are unintentionally funny moments:

-There's a stock shot of an iguana that's obviously taken in a zoo since it has it's food (two strips of beef and a lemon) sitting right next to it

-When they are apparently in the middle of nowhere at sea, in one shot there is clearly a ship behind them

-During an argument Liz pronounces ogle as oogle

-Liz's boyfriend gets a small cut on his leg and leaves a river of blood in his wake

-Liz manages to nag a dead body

-The climax, where Liz becomes a pantless Rambo

Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not recommending this film in any way, shape or form, but if you happen to stumble upon it, you might get a laugh or two between the yawns and cringes. And the hero farts!

FATAL VACATION

Most know Eric Tsang as the mob boss in part one and two of Infernal Affairs. From what I've seen, he's now quite a well respected actor in his homeland (and we even brought him to Canada for the miniseries Dragon Boys). But back in 1989 he wrote, starred and directed this CAT III gem about a group of tourists vacationing in the Phillipines being taken hostage by a group of rebels. As with any self respecting CAT III film, the film has a sleazy vibe (rape seems to be always just around the corner in these films) and lots of bloodshed. In Fatal Vacation, everything is over the top. Tsang has crafted a fun action film that would satisfy anyone who also liked Born to Fight or Rambo (IV). The hostages decide they need to kick some ace or succumb to certain death and along with moments that will leave the audience cheering, there's also those wonderfully downbeat moments guaranteed in a CAT III flick. Also, I think this might be the only non-American film role I've seen Victor Wong (the squinty eyed actor from Big Trouble in Little China) in. Highly recommended for action and CAT III fans alike.

THE LAST GATEWAY

What did I just watch?

The doorway to hell is opened by a sorcerer. Only one problem. It's in his neighbor's stomach. What sounds like a comedy/horror hybrid is played mostly with a straight face as his neighbor, Michael, goes on the run from Satanists (?) as hell's foul creatures keep escaping from his gut. For the most part, the film works well, having an almost Lovecraftian feel (the first scene in the film involves 2 boys catching a monster along with some fish) and it contains some cool monsters and gore. It was shot in english in Argentina, so it takes a while to get used to every actor speaking with an accent and at one hour and forty some odd minutes, it is a little long in tooth. But for fans of bizarro cinema like myself I would absolutely recommend seeing this highly ambitious and imaginative low budget flick. I'm looking forward to the director's next work.

Another fucking list? - The best of 2009

2010-01-19T10:28:00.000-08:00

Remember 1999? What an amazing year for film. The Matrix, Blair Witch, South Park, The Straight Story, Fight Club, Being John Malkovich, etc, etc. Maybe there's something about years that end with "9", because this was an incredible year for film as well. I seldom recall being severely disappointed with many films and generally left films with a big smile on my mug. From the great films listed below to the excellent ones like Antichrist, Life is Hot in Cracktown, Frankenstein Girl vs Vampire Girl, Observe and Report, Up, Bronson, etc to the good ones like Big Fan, Orphan, Moon, etc, there were so many enjoyable films that I feel spoiled. Here's my top ten films from this exceptional year:

10. Enter the Void

A theatrical experience that I doubt will ever be duplicated (and I'm certain it's detractors consider that a good thing). Gaspar Noe proves again and again that he is the most innovative director working today by taking film to areas no one thought possible. With Enter the Void he attempts to capture the out of body experience of a junkie who is killed during a deal gone wrong. Noe uses the camera much like one would anticipate, as a voyeur looking down upon the world he's left behind, but he doesn't stop there. This film is far from a story told from a ghost's POV, Noe never does the expected. I can't wait to see this in the theater again.

9. The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans

A hoot and a holler. It's great to see Cage back to making an art out of overacting. This film serves as a great companion piece for Abel Ferrara's original masterpiece, playing with the same themes of redemption, morality, the soul and final judgement, but in a much different way than it would be expected. What originally seemed like the stupidest decision ever made by a film studio; the pairing of Cage and Herzog to remake the seemingly unremakable Bad Lieutenant, turned out beautifully and I'm grateful someone was either brilliant or dumb enough to make this happen. Now let's see if we can make a franchise out of this seemingly unfranchisable property. C'mon, it would have to be better than most franchises out there. Highly watchable.

8. The House of the Devil

I've been a big fan of Ti West since seeing his Trigger Man. It was like a combination of The Most Dangerous Game and Gerry and I was at the edge of my seat through most of the final hour. Then I checked out his debut film, The Roost, and once again I was pleasantly surprised at this methodically paced creature feature. While every horror filmmaker is out there trying to wow the audience for fear that they might be bored for even 3 seconds, West goes at a leisurely but controlled pace and heightens everything that is great about the horror genre. The characters are better, the tension is better and the shocks are better.

House of the Devil is his best and most accessible film yet. It concerns a college girl who takes on a babysitting job that requires much more than she expected. The film is a directing tour de force as West completely manipulates the audience into experiencing the night of terror along with the protagonist. He's like the Michael Heneke of the horror genre (without the moralizing everyone is so appalled by of course) as he gets more and more comfortable with the medium. House of the Devil may be an instant horror classic, but I'm anxiously awaiting what he will do in the future. Who would have thought the most exciting new horror director working today shows restraint instead of trying to constantly entertain with shocks, wows and whatnot?

7. Crank: High Voltage

As I've written before on Cool Stuff for the Uncool, I do have some problems with the overwhelming use of racist terms this film revels in, but I can't help but completely love everything else about it. The insanity of this film only matches the heights Takashi Miike achieved with the beginning and end of Dead or Alive. And unlike most films that try and be frenetic throughout their whole running time, Crank: High Voltage never becomes meandering or simply exhausting. Hopefully, much like the original, this gets a renewed life on DVD after completely bombing in the theater so we can see the further adventures of that lovable scumbag Chev Chelios.

6. A Serious Man

The Coens go back to their more cerebral filmmaking a la Barton Fink and The Man Who Wasn't There, and succeed yet again. The Story of Job and Schrodinger's Cat are two of the inspirations for this dark tale of a good man being put to the test as his world crumbles. He's a mathematician, so he looks for answers in this unfair world, and if he isn't careful he just might find them. I loved that A Serious Man is taken from a Jewish perspective, something I rarely, if ever, see in mainstream films. Another masterpiece from the Coens, and the scene with Columbia records might be my favourite scene they've ever written.

5. Anvil: The Story of Anvil

Your heart would have to be made of shit, piss, snot and puke for you not to be touched by this one. One of my favourite documentaries of all time, Anvil: The Story of Anvil tells the story of Lipps and Robb Reiner (one in many Spinal Tap connections), friends from childhood who have never given up on the dream of being in a heavy metal band. After any sane man would have called it a day, both of them keep looking on the bright side and always keep in mind that it could be much worse. The film also manages to be funny without mocking them, which with some of their antics would seem the easy thing to do. After I saw the film I felt the urge to look for my Strength of Steel cassette (though I'm sure it's long gone) and maybe buy a couple of their new albums. Even if I don't like them, I couldn't be helping out two nicer guys.

4. Symbol

My favourite film I saw at TIFF this year. Hitoshi Matsumoto's masterpiece of comedy, surrealism and deep personal vision proves that Big Man Japan wasn't just a fluke. He's definitely a filmmaker to keep an eye on, I suspect he'll have a lot more great films to offer us in his hopefully long career.

3. Inglourious Basterds

My favourite war film and not only a return to form for Tarantino (it's not like he went too off course, though I wasn't a big fan of Kill Bill Vol 2 and Death Proof) but also an indication that he's maturing as a filmmaker (which is exceptional, since he was shockingly talented to begin with). Much like his other work, Inglourious Basterds does invoke other films (which is good. I think people who get their panties in a bunch at Tarantino for paying homage to other films are more interested in proving how smart they are rather than actual criticism) but his plot driven story and dialogue is some of his best work. This is simply a great film that will be remembered as one of Tarantino's best.

2. Watchmen

One of the few examples where the movie improves upon the amazing source material. Time will be very kind to this movie and much like The Thing and Blade Runner, film fans of the future will wonder what the hell was everyone's problem with this masterpiece.

1. Drag Me to Hell

Only Raimi could make a movie where a child, a pet and an important character die horribly and the audience leaves the theater with a big smile on their face. They could have called this Evil Dead 4 and I would have been cool with that (the Evil Dead franchise being my favourite films). Also, this makes a great companion piece to the Coen's A Serious Man in that they're both very tragic/comedic morality tales. A pure joy to see Raimi's triumphant return to the horror genre.

2000s: The Rest of the Best

2010-01-13T12:00:00.001-08:00

11. Brokeback Mountain

I avoided this one for years because it just seemed like such a gimmick movie. Also, it had that dude from A Knight's Tale and that Donnie Darko kid who "supposedly" give amazing performances. Finally I broke down, after all the hype and lame jokes were over, and rented it. My wife was just going to watch the beginning to see how crappy it was, her being a huge fan of the Annie Proulx story, and I was going to try my best to give it a fair shake. Next thing we knew 2 hours had passed and both of us were astonished. Ang Lee has told one of the greatest love stories using something that hasn't been seen in a long time; good, old-fashioned storytelling. Beautiful cinematography, amazing performances (I was truly shocked), a fascinating and touching script and masterful direction make this one of the films that breaks my heart that I couldn't fit it into my top ten of the decade. A great character drama and a definite masterpiece.

12. In Bruges

The story of a gangster fighting for his very soul with the help of a Jesus figure from the New Testament (Brendan Gleeson) against the vengeful Old Testament God (Ray Finnes). A truly brilliant film whose religious symbolism is fascinating and powerful (Colin Farrell's sinner entering hell over the River Styx, Pennies from Heaven, the son of God's sacrifice, Mary and her unborn baby with no father at the Inn, Farrell not being satisfied by booze or drugs, the list goes on and on) but can keep the folks who aren't interested in such things entertained with a great story of friendship, guilt, honour and revenge. Purgatory has never been so entertaining.

13. Memento

I was lucky enough to see Following, Chris Nolan's first film, at the Toronto Film Festival when it came out to much acclaim. And then Nolan just seemed to disappear. Where could he be?

It turned out he was preparing to kick the world's ass with this masterful film of a man out to avenge his wife's death, told in reverse. An amazing piece of work that I can't imagine anyone disliking.

14. Survive Style 5+

You had to have known another wacky Japanese film would show up on my list somewhere. Survive Style 5+ unfortunately may never see the light of day in North America due to music copyright problems, but I would recommend to seek this one out however you can find it. Truly a delight for the eyes, never have I seen such amazing art direction. Plus, the interwoven stories are imaginative and well told. Also, it took a song I hated, Cake's version of I Will Survive, and used it so perfectly that I love it now. Don't you love it when movies do that? A delight.

15. Drag Me to Hell

The most fun I've had in the theater in a long, long time. Raimi shows that you can go back to what made you famous and still bring something new to the table. Not so easy to do when you think about fans' disappointments with Lucas, Romero and many other directors who've tried to recapture their pasts. There are setpieces in this that are easily the best work he's ever done. And on such a miniscule budget. There's a reason I think he's the greatest director of all time (wait until he's dead for 20 to 50 years. See how much of today's cinema he will have been said to influence. Mark my words).

16. Kung Fu Hustle

Mr. Awesome returns with this fantastic tale of a cad, who wants to be a cad.... who'd do anything to be a cad.... but is actually a good person (well maybe Mr. Awesome makes him out to be an amazing person, but I love the idea of a good man trying to be bad). Never in a million years would an American film take the dramatic twists and turns this film takes, and once again Mr. Awesome makes incredible use of CGI that even the most whiny of fanboys couldn't bitch about.

17. The Descent

I rented this on a PAL DVD well before it got it's North American debut (making me awesome). All I knew was that it was done by the guy who did Dog Soldiers. My good lady wife and I sat down to watch it and were immediately intrigued by the characters and the story. We were on the edge of our seats as they went down into the caves. Was someone going to snap? We're they going to be trapped? You could cut the tension with a knife. Then something happened that blew my fucking mind. If you're one of the 3 people out there who haven't seen it I would never spoil it, but see it fast before someone else does.

18. Watchmen

Ignore the naysayers, this is an instant classic. I like that they took out a lot with the psychiatrist (maybe when I was a kid I would believe that Rorschach's story was enough to drive him insane. Not today though, there are stories on Law and Order that are far more distressing) and the ending of the movie is just plain superior. I love the graphic novel, but what Snyder does with the film is nothing short of incredible. Brilliant.

19. Inglourious Basterds

I don't like war movies. I can count the war movies I love on one hand. Catch 22. Full Metal Jacket. Paths of Glory. I'm sure there's a couple more there. My main problem is that I just don't find war that entertaining or interesting. I guess I'll never be that guy who's library consists of WWII Books. But Tarantino made what could possibly be my favourite war film of all time, because it focuses on characters and plot rather than battles and action scenes. Wars are incredibly interesting backdrops for story driven films to take place in. Think of the civil war scene in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Once the characters are within the army base, Leone uses it to show the audience the true natures of each character. Angel Eyes revels in it and The Man with No Name and Tuto are horrified by it. Tarantino also uses the war to help mold his characters, from the woman seeking justice to an opportunist played by Christopher Waltz, who easily should become a star from his role. For all those doubting Tartantino's future as a leading filmmaker, this film should easily alleviate any doubts.

20. The Host

I love monster movies. And I love intelligent films about families. Therefore I love The Host. Simple mathematics. See it and love it too.

Favourite Film of the Decade #1 - Battle Royale

2010-01-07T18:11:00.001-08:00

Here it is. Number one with a bullet. And a knife. And a grenade. And a pot lid. Say it aloud with a strong Japanese accent, "Battle Royale!".

As I mentioned in a previous entry (Exiled I believe) by the beginning of the 2000s I had become increasingly bored with American films. So much so that I rarely watched them. I was way more interested in reading (comics and horror novels, nothing too highfalutin) than seeing anything that was coming out. But I started dipping my toe more and more into Asian cinema, though there wasn't a lot that was available. And speaking of "not available", I eventually saw the movie that would change my viewing habits forever, Battle Royale.

Already a fan of Takeshi Kitano, I rented BR from the wonderful Suspect Video here in Toronto, and was completely floored by it's dark sense of humour, action, melodrama, violence, style and intelligence. I'm pretty certain I watched it again either the same day or the next one with my good buddy Timbo. Then I needed to show it to someone else. And so on and so forth.

Though it is still only available as an import in North America (there was talks of remaking it, yet no one wanted to release the original) most people know the plot. A group of students wake up on an island and are forced to kill each other until there is only one survivor/winner. What the director, Kinji Fukasaku, does with the material is outstanding. It would be easy to get lost in the plot along with the many characters he needs to juggle, but Fukasaku never missteps and manages to get every reaction from the audience he intends to. One minute you may be shocked and the next you may be saddened, then shocked again. It all happens so fast, yet rarely does it seem that way. And despite all the violence and nastiness, I did find the film's final statement strong and touching enough to completely vindicate anything that anyone may have found offensive. I might be in the minority, but I really didn't find the film that offensive at all, the symbolism of what we force upon our children in this increasingly competitive world is made quite clear from the get go and none of the violence seems like empty shock cinema (though I have nothing against empty violence either).

I gotta admit, when that copycat Quentin Tarantino revealed that his favourite film since 1992 was Battle Royale I felt like I was in good company, but everyone was going to think, "Hey, that's Quentin Tarantino's favourite. You're like Tarantino Guitarbrother. You have no mind of your own shitheel. I knew there was a reason I hate you." But then I remembered, with a squeal of delight, that I had posted my "favourite films of the decade so far", on the Mondo Movie message board well over a year ago, and what is sitting at number one? Battle Royale sucka! Obviously, it was Tarantino who read my posting and changed his list, and not the other way around. He should've covered his tracks better.

Needless to say, if you haven't seen this masterpiece, Git 'er Done! God, it's hard not to quote Larry the Cable Guy when discussing excellence in cinema.

And there you have it, my top ten of the 2000s. I'm going to post shorter blurbs for 11-20 in one posting later (though you notice how much shorter my write-ups for the films got as it got closer to number one? I'm a lazy, lazy man) and then shortly after make a list of my favourite films of 2009.

Favourite Film of the Decade #2 - Happiness of the Katakuris

2010-01-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

Almost there.

Very few films on my list, or that I have ever viewed for that matter, have been life changers. Heck, most of us non-censorship advocates maintain that it is impossible for a movie to change one's life. I guess I'm lucky that the film that changed my life wasn't August Underground (well, it kinda did. It made me reluctant to watch films with the words "August" and "Underground" in them), but the incredible Happiness of the Katakuris.

Without going into it too much, there was a time in my life that, I guess it could be said, I was mostly unhappy. I wasn't doing it on purpose, it's just how things worked out. I got enjoyment from films, comics, novels, etc, but not much from humanity. I had friends that I dug hanging around with, and I did love my family, but there was no real joy there. Only problem though is, I was content to be unhappy, I didn't even really recognize it as a big problem. In fact, wasn't seeking happiness kind of selfish anyway?

But then, one of my favourite filmmakers came swooping down with the hugely entertaining, joyful and endearing movie called Happiness of the Katakuris. I cannot tell a lie, what struck me upon first viewing was the creativity Takashi Miike had when telling this story, blending comedy, musical numbers, stop motion, zombies and pitch black humour into what was essentially, a very optimistic/tragic tale of a father striving for happiness despite whatever horrific thing life throws at him.

The film is a remake of the excellent Korean film The Quiet Family, and it involves Mr. Katakuri purchasing a guest house on a mountain where he hopes a major highway will be going by sometime in the future. He relocates his family: Mrs. Katakuri, Grandpa, Son, Daughter and Granddaughter, in hopes that they will live happily and comfortably ever after. The only problem is that their guests, as few as there are, keep dying, and when is that highway going to be coming through? What follows is an imaginative and hilarious film about the family's struggles to bury all unhappiness (or corpses) and try and maintain their ideal of what a good life is. Eventually it all comes to a head in a climax that's as bizarre as it is wonderful.

Miike, who's mostly known in North America for shocking the audience, does not hold back at all during the film (However, I disagree with a lot of critics who claim that Miike is just a shockmeister. He never just thoughtlessly throws horrific or crazy moments in his film, they really do make the film what it is; a Takashi Miike film). I found every scene wonderful, whether it be the wacky musical numbers or an outtake Miike kept in the film of the actor playing the son cracking up during a take. Also, I have a love of films that involve something I consider extremely important in life; family. Miike has handled family stories very well in other movies (I also find Visitor Q very touching) but I really love how he tells this story. It actually seems Japan is the country with the best movies about family, from early Ozu right on to Tokyo Sonata.

When I rewatched the film I was really struck by the father's struggles to make his and his family's lives happy. It seemed like such a noble struggle even when the odds were stacked against him. It made me think of my own life, and the many ways I sabotaged my own happiness. I, like a lot of people, was content with the hand that I assumed was dealt to me, and lived day to day that way. Shortly thereafter I became determined to be happy. One definite way was to find love, which I went in search of. To cut to the chase, it worked out well and my life has changed for the better. Thanks Miike.

I'm not guaranteeing that Happiness of the Katakuris will change your life, but I'd be surprised if anyone absolutely hated it. They'd really have to be a miserable bastard to hate this ode to joy.

Favourite Film of the Decade #3 - Frailty

2010-01-02T15:30:00.000-08:00

Well, we're up to #3 on my list and I know you must be thinking, "Hey cockfucker! I thought you were the dude who just loooooveed horror films. Looks like you're a lying piece of human garbage. Fucking fuckface! I don't see one horror film on your stupid, horribly written, godawful list. Seriously, fuck you Guitarbrother, fuck you."

In my defense, I do love the horror films, and I'm not like many of my brethren who have turned on my beloved genre (I don't automatically hate remakes, Eli Roth isn't a hack and I'm not going to wait 20 years to consider the films coming out today to be good once I get nostalgic), but there have just been so many good films coming out this decade that weren't horror. Even though this is the only horror flick on the list, I think my next 2 definitely appeal to the horror fan (much like Jodorowsky, Lynch and others appeal to them as well) though you wouldn't find them located in the horror section. Without question though, the 2000's were definitely the decade for horror after the meager offerings we had in the nineties after folks were sick of the slasher filled eighties. In early 2000 saying you were a horror fan to any serious film fan was the equivalent of saying you only watched films with anal fisting in them.

The one horror film I thought towered above the others released this decade was Bill Paxton's directorial debut (not including the wonderful Fish Heads video) Frailty. I saw this movie at least 4 times when it came out in theaters, being completely hypnotized by the style, story and performances. Anyone who hadn't seen it I made certain that I drilled it into their heads that Frailty was a must see and it was one of the most exciting and thoughtful horror films to come out in a long while. Most agreed (when they weren't so friggin' caught up in whether they knew "the twist" or not. When did movies become about guessing the ending?) but sadly not many other people went to see it. Too bad, with the exception of The Greatest Game Ever Played, Paxton seems to have given up on directing, even though I think Frailty ranks along with Night of the Hunter as the greatest films ever directed by actors. And unlike many other actors who've tried their hands at directing, Paxton showed a confidence with the style and pacing of the movie, along with getting great performances (2 of the fantastic performances were from children no less). Frailty is so much more than just an acting piece.

Frailty is steeped in insanity from the beginning. Paxton plays a father who believes God has told him that it is his and his sons' duty to kill demons disguised as regular human beings. So along with his trusty blessed axe, he goes about doing God's work. The black comedy in some of these scenes; Paxton finding the axe, the angel's (Uriel?) appearance to him at work, are hilarious in a way seen in very, very few films. You laugh at the pure lunacy of the situations, while still remaining on edge at what is happening. There's axe murders, child abuse and children being forced to murder, but Paxton handles the material in such a masterful way that it's never offensive.

We've seen Paxton play crazy before; The Dark Backward, The Vagrant, Weird Science, Near Dark, etc, but he's never played it in such a subtle way, making it much more menacing. The sincerity he shows in his madness is some of his best work as an actor. And the boys playing his sons, Adam and Fenton are great. Adam, who follows his father blindly, has some of the funniest moments and is easy to like in his naivety. And Fenton, who is the character the audience identifies with, is easy to sympathize with as he tries to bring sanity back to his family.

I don' want to give too much away, but upon second viewing, once you know "the twist" the film plays a lot different. It's much more of a tragedy rather than just a straight up horror film. Though Paxton himself might disagree. I really liked an interview I read with him back in the horror hating 2001s when the interviewer said that Frailty was more of a psychological thriller rather than a horror film. Paxton stopped him and said that it definitely "is" a horror film and he couldn't be more proud about that. He continued to say that horror is a great genre and he's proud his film is now amongst so many other great horror films. What a wicked dude.

Oddly enough, I just bought Frailty for my father this Xmas, it being one of his favourite films of all time as well. The film has a lot to say and I think it should appeal to just about anyone who is looking for a quality horror film. Let's just hope Paxton decides to direct again one day, if this is what he can do his first time out I can only imagine what amazing work we can expect from him in the future.

Favourite Film of the Decade #4 - Funky Forest: The First Contact

2009-12-22T15:09:00.000-08:00

Have you ever loved something so much you just assume that it is only logical that everyone else loves it? When you find out someone does not like it, it's tough for your brain to compute? Such is the case with this wonderful, funny and inventive film that is surprisingly (to me anyway) not a fan favourite.

Upon seeing this at the Toronto After Dark festival (my favourite film festival by the way. Thought you needed to know) I left so joyful and elated at seeing one of the best films I'd seen in a long, long time. Sure I had seen "crazy" Japanese films before, the DVD for Survive Style 5+ I bought in Japan is one of my prouder possessions and there is a chance another "wacky" Japanese film will show up further down this list, but Funky Forest really got to me. It seemed to be a celebration of love, music, dance, film, anime, comedy... you name it. And it didn't play by the rules. However, my good lady wife and good friend who left with me did enjoy it, but mostly found it weird. "Yeah" I said, "Weird is good!". But two and a half hours of weird with no real narrative? Ain't that pushing it?

In my opinion, the film is not about story, plot or characters, but about the feelings it elicits in the viewers. And to me at least, all of them were enjoyable. Kind of a positive version of Enter the Void. I've heard movies compared to drug trips, and to say that about Funky Forest wouldn't be too far off, but there is also such a positivity to the material that it would also seem unfair. It would seem like dumbing down the movie to compare it to an LSD trip. It's closer to a kid's film for weird adults, trying to bring out the genuine emotions we felt so non-chalantly when we were children.

As for the movie itself, it's essentially a series of vignettes held loosely together by stories of urequited love. There's the "unpopular with woman brothers" consisting of the incredible Susumu Terajima, Tadanobu Asano and a white kid. Then there's a teacher and his student/crush that share an afternoon together. Both stories start out a little strange, but by the end they're absolutely surreal. Just type in Funky Forest into YouTube and you'll get at least a dozen small samples of the film's strangeness.

After buying this for a good buddy on his birthday, and him disliking it quite a bit, I am a tad hesitant to recommend this film for just anyone. But if you enjoy off the wall films with loads of imagination and heart, I would definitely say.... look on YouTube and see if it's not too weird.... then rush out and buy this one of a kind film. Then check out Katsuhito Ishii's other masterpiece, A Taste of Tea, a more melancholy Funky Forest type of film.

Favourite Film of the Decade #5 - The Spider-Man Series

2009-12-18T17:14:00.000-08:00

You read that right holmes. I'm counting the Spider-Man trilogy as one movie and there is absolutely sweet dick all you can do about it.

Now for a little history about me and this Spider-Man fellow. My first Spider-Man memory harkens back to when I was 3 or 4 and my parents bought me one of those black velvet posters with Spider-Man seemingly coming right out of the picture at you. Unfortunately, once it go dark out, the poster terrified the fuck out of me. Spider-Man looked like a masked creature intent on killing me in my sleep. Only one problem though, I loved Spidey so much that I couldn't bear to ask my parents to take it down. I decided to live with the fear since it was so awesome having a Spider-Man poster.

Throughout my childhood Spidey remained my favourite comic. Peter Parker was a great guy, though it could be argued that he is a tad nerdy, and once he put on that costume he transforms into the wise cracking, heroic webhead that is virtually impossible not to love.

During my high school years I stopped buying comic books (and my little brother who go into comics was only buying Punisher, Wolverine and Groo), but still watched The Amazing Spider-Man every lunch hour whether I've seen it or not. I could be a nerd without any of my friends finding out. Ha!

Extreme poverty kept me away from comics for the most part until my late twenties when I got a decent job and some disposable income. I must have bought more comics that year than most people do in their lives. Picked up Kraven's Last Hunt and various other Spidey titles, but the single issues weren't all that hot, Byrne was rebooting the series with Spider-Man Chapter One which was a little interesting but I found more than enough Vertigo titles to keep me occupied. But once Straczynski took the reigns I think I've pretty much bought every Spider-Man title since (and after the rocky One More Day and Brand New Day Spider-Man's better than it's been in ages).

Now let's move on to my love for Sam Raimi. I saw Evil Dead when I was around 13 and getting a little bored with horror. I had seen so many horror flicks and at around this time I no longer had to hold a pillow over my face at the scary scenes, in fact, I hadn't been that scared by a film in a long time. Evil Dead kicked my mind's ass. Not only that, it got me interested in the filmmaking behind it as well. Sure I'd read Fangoria for a while, so I knew the basics of film, but I became obsessed with the "style" of Evil Dead. From that point onward, Sam Raimi became my favourite director. And since he's kept evolving and can usually be counted on to bring "the goods" he's never even been close to being knocked off his throne (The Gift and For Love of the Game did have me scared).

So when my friend visited me at work with the news that Mr. Raimi would be directing the new Spider-Man movie I immediately thought how cruel this "friend" was being. How dare someone play games with my heart that way. It turns out they had also brought an article from the paper to back up their claim, so until May 3rd 2002 I lived my life highly anticipating this film that should only exist in legend. And I wasn't disappointed.

SPIDER-MAN

Ecstasy. After months of anticipation the morning of May 3rd came along and I finally got to see the most perfect combination since chocolate and peanut butter, Sam Raimi and Spider-Man. Unlike many of the gloomy superhero movies that came before it, this film was filled with colour, spectacle and a pure sense of joy. Sure, I missed the constant wisecracking I got from ole Webhead in the comics, but that was nitpicking when considering everything that worked in the film. Dafoe as Norman Osbourne/The Green Goblin was amazing and Tobey Maguire did a fantastic job as Peter Parker/Spider-Man. I've heard some complain about Maguire being too nerdy, and not being the "Spider-Man they know". I'm from the school that there are different variations on this great character, and that's the way I like it. The Spider-Man in the comics now is much different than the one created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. And the Ultimate Spider-Man is different from that. Raimi's Spider-Man is just another variation of the awesomeness that is Spidey. My favourite film in the series.

SPIDER-MAN 2

Here's the Spidey that even the critics got behind. Where some complained about the first one for being too "comic booky" and that they were disappointed with the characters wearing masks too much (much like my complaint that the sky is "always" blue in The Unforgiven. C'mon Eastwood, use some creativity!). Raimi once again casts the film perfectly, having Alfred Molina playing Otto Octavius/Doc Ock. He brings a lot of humanity to the villain as opposed to a lot of the stunt casting we had gotten so used to from the Batman series. Imagine that, actually casting great actors as villains rather than whoever's hot at the moment. No one has really commented on Raimi's casting when it comes to the villains in the series, but he really is to be commended. The film is just as exciting and dramatic as the first, with the perfect amount of melodrama. Just fantastic.

SPIDER-MAN 3

Alright, alright, alright. This film is definitely flawed, but it's not the abomination so many claim it to be. Let's get the flaws out of the way first: Venom is not used well, Harry Osbourne's story is wrapped up in an extremely disappointing way and the end fight is more confusing than exciting. The pros: everything else. Thomas Hayden Church plays an awesome Flint Marko/Sandman and the story was very involving. I know I'm part of the minority, but I loved when Peter Parker was infected with evil, and since he's the nicest guy in the world, the worst he could become is a douchebag. The scenes when Maguire plays Parker for comedy are hilarious and I was pleasantly surprised that Raimi managed to put a musical number in a superhero film. Great stuff. Unfortunately whereas part one and two seem like something as fantastic as Kraven's Last Hunt part three does resemble the Venom saga, that is just a good story with characters coming in and out of the story at random. It's a fine comic book film and a nice addition to the series, even if it's not the best (not the best!? The nerve!!).

These films made a nerd very, very happy*.

*and me too

Favourite Film of the Decade #6 - Oldboy

2009-12-09T13:24:00.000-08:00

Oldboy. Really, what else is there to say? I write that Oldboy is one of my favourite films of the decade and your correct response should be, "Of course it is". A no brainer really. But I feel like drawing some pictures, so let's continue.

Chan-wook Park has created a whole new breed of revenge films with his Vengeance trilogy, starting with Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance then Oldboy and ending with Sympathy for Lady Vengeance. I love all 3 films but Oldboy was the obvious standout.

Loosely adapted from the manga Oldboy, Park actually improves on the source material making a stylish, smart and exciting morality tale. But be forewarned, it does get really nasty (it seems a lot of the films on my list have a tendency to be that way. What's wrong with me?). Imagine if Death Wish ended like it did in the novel (Bronson's Kersey character goes bonkers and has to be gunned down by police) and Oldboy's climax is about 20 times more depressing. There is no wish fulfillment here. Park even admits on the commentary track of the excellent Tartan tin edition, that he really doesn't respect much of what the main character does. He's selfish and petty until he finally learns the error of his ways... horrifically.

If you have not seen Oldboy (an error you should correct immediately) it does have a lot going for it despite it's nastiness. My lovely wife usually does not enjoy overly violent or mean spirited films, yet even she came away from the film calling it a masterpiece (I rented it very early in our dating period. I got lucky, it could have gone terribly wrong by the ending. Warning, this is not a date movie!).

The film is stylish, well acted and unpredictable, so if you're put off by the many critics who mention how violent or disturbing it is, there are enough amazing aspects of the film to risk viewing anything that you might consider distressing (and it is only a movie, it's not like going to the dentist or even getting a paper cut. Be a man!).

And no review of Oldboy would be complete without mentioning Min-sik Choi's masterful performance as Dae-su Oh. Dae starts off as a pathetic drunk in a scene that is shot differently than anything in the film. Dae is an overweight, sad and drunk businessman who is waiting at a police kiosk for a friend to come and get him. He gets obnoxiously loud and belligerent as he waits. Park uses mostly jump cuts as Dae becomes more and more agitated, as opposed to when he later becomes "the monster" when the film changes to apparently make him look "bad ass".

So the story goes, after he leaves the police kiosk and calls his daughter, Dae is kidnapped and held prisoner for 15 years in a hotel room. He is never told the reason why and has no human contact. Once he has almost escaped he is knocked out and set free to discover the reason he was imprisoned. Dae is now the embodiment of vengeance. Where it goes from there I'll let you discover for yourself, I really hate giving away too much from a movie that is so plot oriented.

I wouldn't be shocked if Oldboy wound up on a lot of critics "best of the decade" lists. It's been highly praised since it's original release and the fanbase seems to be growing all the time. We narrowly missed an American remake directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Will Smith (and not the cool Will Smith who stars in Grave of the Vampire) but I'm sure there will be one eventually. If you want to be the cool kid watch the film now so you can tell all those phonies and losers what a winner you are since you've "seen the original" when the remake inevitably comes out. Then who'll be laughing? You, that's who!

Favourite Film of the Decade #7 - Shaolin Soccer

2009-11-28T15:50:00.000-08:00

Hey, how about that? A movie on my top ten of the decade that isn't nihilistic, depressing or about people getting shot.

If you had told me 10 years ago that one of my favourite films of the 2000s would be about soccer I would have called you a goddamned, piece of fucking shit, worthless, ass raping, cum guzzling, smelly liar. But I would have been wrong, and you would have been right. Sorry, that was very thoughtless of me. Forgive me?

Had I seen Shaolin Soccer when I was a kid I'm fairly certain it would be a movie that would be up there with Evil Dead, the Star Wars trilogy, Raiders/Temple of Doom, and other legendary films of my youth. Because I saw it as an adult, it's a shame that it wasn't part of my childhood, but you can bet your booty that I'm forcing it to be a component of various nephews' childhoods ("Oh, thanks Uncle Guitarbrother, a Chinese film about soccer. You shouldn't have.").

Mr. Awesome (known to some as Stephen Chow) has made a comedy film about soccer that equals the imagination put into most fantasy epics. And it's incredibly funny as well. Whether it be the soccer field turning into a war zone or a soccer ball being kicked so hard that it becomes a flaming tiger, the viewer is kept in constant amazement at what Mr. Awesome will deliver next. And when your jaw isn't agape at what you're witnessing, you're laughing your ass off at Mr. Awesome's karaoke skills or the fittingly named "Team Evil". Plus the blending of martial arts and soccer seems so perfect I was surprised it hadn't been done before (granted Gymkata blended the wonderful worlds of acrobatics and kung fu, but I digress).

In both this and the almost equally amazing Kung Fu Hustle, Mr. Awesome invokes the spirit of Bruce Lee and gives both films, despite their craziness, heart. Both are about improving oneself and reaching an enlightened place where we can be the most we can be. The theme is a lot more prevalent in Kung Fu Hustle (a scoundrel becoming the "Chosen One"), but in Shaolin Soccer it works just as well. Mr. Awesome has stated that Lee is one of his heroes, not just his films, but his philosophy, so these films also play as a wonderful tribute to the star who died far too early.

And the humour may have some scratching their heads (the script comes from the same man who in The King of Comedy had our hero get distracted from his sentry by playing with a young boys pecker) but to those who are open to it, it's delightful (and not a joke that could get someone arrested in sight!). And the supporting cast is great. Mr. Awesome has to gather a bunch of has-been martial artists to comprise his rag tag soccer team, and each one has something hilarious about them. Even the love interest in the film is a great character, and seriously, how many times can you say that about a comedy?

As for the plot, it's nothing you haven't seen hundreds of times before, a bunch of losers need to pick themselves up to win the big one, but it's performed with such inventiveness and fun that it seems like it's original despite itself. Sure it's predictable, but you'd be disappointed if it turned out any other way.

No matter what your taste in movies, Shaolin Soccer is a must see. It's a joyful, funny movie that could cheer up the gloomiest of Guses. The only critical thing I could possibly say about the film is that I'm not watching it right now.

Favourite Film of the Decade #8 - The Pledge

2009-11-21T20:34:00.000-08:00

"No good deed shall go unpunished". That was Sean Penn's mission statement while making his best film, The Pledge, and it seemed to keep audiences away in droves. And all those finicky folks out there complaining that Jack Nicholson keeps playing the same character over and over couldn't be bothered to see what I consider the finest performance of his career. In fact the film is littered with great performances from Michael O Keefe, Mickey Rourke, Benicio Del Toro and others. But "Excuuuuse meeee" if the subject of a retired policeman losing his sanity while pursuing a brutal child killer isn't up your alley! Drone.

I was intrigued by the advertisements for The Pledge, which made it look like an old fashioned police story about a cop who won't rest until he puts a child murderer behind bars. And knowing Penn's previous work, The Crossing Guard and The Indian Runner, I was fairly certain there would be some depth to the story as well. Penn wound up giving me much more than I had anticipated. The Pledge is a fascinating character study on a man who is compelled to do the right thing no matter what. He makes bad choices for very good reasons.

Penn makes certain to show the murderer's crimes in full detail (through photographs) so the audience can get behind Nicholson's as he tries to take this monster off the streets. However, at the midway point it seems Nicholson's character actually tries to achieve some peace and happiness by forming a relationship with a single mother and her child. Or is he only with them to use the child for bait? I think the answer is quite surprising and very well handled as the movie reaches it's inevitable conclusion with Nicholson and the child murderer coming head to head. By this time the audience may not be behind Nicholson's character anymore.

Penn has created a thoughtful morality story, where nothing is black and white. I remember talking to a friend who owned a movie poster shop (sadly closed down now) about how Nicholson's character, if looked at in a certain light, is a hero. My friend immediately laughed and said he was going to move The Pledge poster to the James Bond section because he's such a "hero". As I wiped the tears from my eyes I did have to admit that some people may just loathe the Nicholson character by the end, but I felt a great amount of sympathy for a man who the universe seemed to conspire against to prevent him from doing good. There are no easy answers in The Pledge and nor should there be. The film is about real situations involving people with unreal expectations.

And boy oh boy is Nicholson ever fantastic in his role as Jerry Black, a retiring policeman who can not find peace. In every scene he shows Black as a complex character who the audience can never tell exactly what he's thinking. There are moments when his character's real nature seems to come out, but through most of the movie he seems to exist inside his head. An Oscar worthy performance that never even got a nomination. Shame.

Though most folks would find the movie too downbeat and far too depressing I would urge anyone who enjoys a good morality tale to seek his one out. Just remember, no matter what you do, it's probably wrong to someone.

Favourite Films of the Decade #9 - Irreversible

2009-10-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

What happens when a filmmaker wants to beat the shit out of his audience? Not just give them a grueling experience, but fuck them up for life? Gaspar Noe's masterpiece in nihilistic filmmaking, Irreversible, is the film equivalent of a drop kick to the face into a vat of acid while your significant other makes sweet love to a close relative.

There's a quote I quite like from Chan-wook Park that goes, "I don't feel enjoyment watching films that evoke passivity. If you need that kind of comfort why wouldn't you go to a spa?". I may not agree with him 100% of the time, I love the odd mind numbing movie, but I certainly love me some dark, dark stuff as well. I get a certain type of enjoyment when I can feel emotions that I don't ever want to experience in real life within the safety of a film. Once the film is over and the emotions wear off you have either learned a valuable lesson, seen a different worldview or just had an experience that isn't easily duplicated (and in Irreversible's case, thankfully so).

Noe does all in his power to assault the audience with his film. There is an ever moving sweeping camera seemingly designed to induce vomiting, a sound design laced with white noise that police use to end hostage situations and a script with atrocities committed with and without consequence. But behind these shock tactics is a filmmaker with something to say. Life isn't fair, and neither is Irreversible.

The film starts in chaos (following a little cameo by our friend The Butcher from I Stand Alone and Carne. Why wasn't he in Enter the Void Noe!?) as we enter The Rectum, a gay S & M sex club, and our 2 crazed male leads hunt down "The Tapeworm". What follows isn't for those with weak constitutions, but anyone who entered the film by accident (I remember when I went to see John Hillcoat's The Proposition, there was an old couple beside me wondering why Kenneth Branaugh hadn't showed up. I guess it happens) hopefully will have fled by then. There be mucho gay S & M sex before any of the really rough stuff starts.

We soon realize the film is being told in reverse (so it is reversible!) and what we have is essentially a rape/revenge film viewed in a different light, where we see the revenge before we see the crime. That's a pretty cool idea in it's own right, but add to that Noe's distinctive, though nihilistic voice, tons of style and great performances and you have a must see in my humble (that's fuckin' right, humble motherfucker!) yet correct opinion. The three central characters are Alex (Monica Bellucci) who is dating Marco (Vincent Cassel) and the third wheel and Alex's former boyfriend Pierre (Albert Dupontel). The viewer is meant to sympathize with Pierre, the sensitive ex boyfriend, as he tags along with macho and prickish Marco and Alex. He obviously still pines for her, but hides it in order to still be with her even if it's only as a friend. And it's obvious he is so much better for her than that Marco cretin! Sounds like something out of a romantic comedy, don't it? With Noe's expert handling of the material and all the actor's great performances it seems very real and not at all manipulative. The way their stories end (which is at the beginning, but I'll still avoid spoiling anything) is heartbreaking as more and more is revealed about their characters. We see them at their worst at the beginning of the film, and the more that is revealed on how they got there, it becomes clear that the way the story is being told makes perfect sense. Unlike most stories, once the crime is committed, the character essentially becomes their crime, where in this, their crime becomes a character (hopefully that makes sense).

Much has been said about the long and unflinching rape scene and I really won't add much more than to say I definitely admired Noe in his attempt to give the audience absolutely no thrills during the scene and it's a troubling and disturbing scene to watch. With no edits and a single wide shot, the audience suffers through the scene, which seems right. It is rape after all (well... pretend rape, but in the context of the movie).

At the screening I saw at the Toronto Film Festival, it seemed that a lot of the audience I was overhearing sounded more like they were going on a roller coaster ride rather than seeing a film. Irreversible's reputation seemed to precede it and it sounded like some people were there more to test their stamina and endurance rather than having a genuine interest in the subject matter. I believe that though Noe did his best to command your attention, when an audience member goes in already resisting getting involved with a film it also makes a film harder to like. If you watch any film as an outsider I don't think you can get the same out of it, though it is completely understandable why people would be trepidatious about losing themselves within this film.

Noe set out to make a film that was about darkness, hopelessness and the meaningless of all our suffering and he did so in such an interesting, cinematic and sometimes heartbreaking way and that is quite an achievement. I really believe that this film will be remembered for a long, long time as masterpiece by one of the true innovators of cinema. But it won't be remembered forever, time does destroy everything.

Favourite Films of the Decade #10 - Exiled

2009-10-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

What's a top ten list without a Johnnie To film? And I mean any top ten list. Top ten recipes? Gorgonzola gnocchi while watching The Mission at #7. Top ten automobiles? A brown trans-am driving to the theater so I can see Vengeance at #3. Top ten films of the 2000s? Johnnie To's Exiled at #10.

I had a hard time choosing between his and To's 2 Election films (that's right, if they were picked I would have counted both parts as one film!). Whereas the Election movies are gritty looks at the evil behind the Triads with some very surprising and shocking moments, Exiled is a heroic bloodshed type of film where the characters are tough, cool, honourable and ass-kickers. I love all the films, but maybe what put Exiled over the top was it encompassed everything I love about Asian action films with just a sprinkling of Leone.

As you'll see later in this list (if you continue to read my poorly worded ramblings) the last decade was essentially when I became enthralled with Asian cinema. After an amazing year for Hollywood in 1999, it seemed that with the exception of an occasional American Psycho or Traffic, American films had become predictable, routine and above all else, boring. Where was the invention and creativity? I really wasn't seeing anything new. Then I stumbled upon Takashi Miike films and Battle Royale. Here's what I was fuckin' looking for. And then the rest of the decade was spent discovering the many amazing genres of Asian cinema.

I had previously seen The Killer and Hard Boiled (like any cinema lover worth their salt) and, of course, loved them. But when John Woo left for America, there was a big hole where Hong Kong's kick ass action used to be. Granted, I don't hate a lot of recent HK action as much as some fans, but there wasn't a director that a fan could rely on the same way they could on Woo. Then good ole Johnnie To entered into the picture. I had seen Full Time Killer at the Toronto Film Festival, followed by PTU and loved them dearly. The Election films I unfortunately only saw on DVD, but it seemed To was stepping up his game. Not only were they great, intense films, but dramatically they were possibly the best he's produced.

So it was with much anticipation me and my good lady wife went to see Exiled when it played the fest in whatever fucking year it was there. Waiting in the massive line I was happy to see that so many folks out there loved To as well. And I don't think anyone but the motherfucka sitting beside me (of course) were let down. On the bright side though, despite the dude sitting beside me complaining through much of the film, I was loving it so much I couldn't be bothered to be upset. That never, ever happens.

Exiled starts out with a CU of a hand knocking on a door. A haggard looking but beautiful woman opens up and is greeted by two ruffians looking for Wo (no that's not a cute euphemism for sex). She tells them she's never heard of him and they leave. Moments later, another CU of the door being knocked on and two more scallywags (one being a surprisingly cool looking Anthony Wong) are asking for Wo. Same response. As the four obviously shady characters wait outside the home for Wo to show himself, it's obvious that at one time they had all been friends. 2 are there to protect Wo, and 2 are there to kill him.

Leone is immediately brought to mind. All of the criminals are wearing overcoats and smoking cigars (though not cigarellos) much like The Man With No Name, and even as they wait for Wo, it somewhat reminded me of the killers waiting for The Man With Harmonica at the beginning of Once Upon a Time in the West. Essentially, the audience knows some shit is going to go down. And when it does, it's spectacular. Wo arrives and one person from each set follows him up to his home as the other two wait outside (when a cop shows up there is a scene with a can that seems plucked from A Fistful of Dollars). The gunfight that follows is great, but what is even better is how it's followed up. After they try and kill each other, and only stop because of Wo's infant son, they decide to talk about Wo's crime instead, and help the small family cook and cleanup while they're at it. It's this feeling of kinship, honour and friendship that elevate this far beyond a gangster shoot em up. After To gets us worked up with the scene leading up to the gunfight, and the fight itself, he makes us laugh as the ruthless hitmen roll up their sleeves to move a crib or make soup that still has bullets in it from the gunfight. Amazing opening for a film. This film is about memories and regrets. And people getting shot.

As for the action scenes, it seems To keeps trying to outdo the previous set piece. There are shootouts in a hallway, a restaurant, a makeshift doctor's office, a field and a hotel, and each scene is more impressive than the last. Sure it could be argued that the CGI Red Bull can in the last shootout takes one out of the moment, but it could also be argued that whoever thinks that is actually just an asshole.

Also, the characters in Exiled are fantastic. Not only are our protaganists cool as fuck, but we really care about them because they care so much for each other. Anthony Wong is amazing as the ringleader, completely changing his usual image as a weirdo or a sage like mentor. Here he plays a man whom I suspect may have become a hitman to make him feel better about himself. During a scene where he is being bullied by a former boss, it felt like this wasn't something he was unaccustomed to . Also, one of the final shots in the film is of him putting on his shades, trying to remain cool despite what has just happened.

Also, I loved at a certain point in the film, he decides to leave everything to chance. His decisions were not helping anyone, so he let the flip of a coin decide their fate. The payoff to this is very powerful.

Also, Simon Yam was hilarious as the villain in the film, hamming it up while remaining a complete asshole. He would have made a great heel in wrestling in another life. Also, who couldn't love the hotel owner/pimp/gangster Jeff? A scumbag until the very end. And the female characters are great. As opposed to the usual love interest, our central female character is Wo's wife, heartbroken because of Wo's choice of lifestyle and the friends that go with it. As much as you like our group of criminals, it's hard not to side with her by the end of the film.

I could go much more into the film, but if you haven't seen it I'd hate to spoil anything for you. There is definitely more of that "Leone" feeling nearing the end and some wicked tough guy bonding with a corrupt cop.

Exiled is a semi follow up to To's The Mission in the same way Fierce Creatures is a follow up to A Fish Called Wanda. It's not necessary to see The Mission before seeing Exiled (I didn't) but the two films are great companion pieces. The Mission explores much of the same themes and has most of the same actors playing similar parts. So if you happen to love Exiled you'd really be doing yourself a disservice in not seeing The Mission.

Almost done, just wanted to say I was surprised when this film came and went in North America. I didn't think the film would connect the same way Woo's films did, but I did expect some fanfare. It seems a lot of people I know, when it comes to foreign films, think that if they've seen what is considered the best from a certain genre (Woo's heroic bloodshed films) that they've done their job as a filmgoer and there's no need to explore further. Maybe I'm being critical of them since I love discovering films that don't have a lot of shelf space at Blockbuster, but I really expected To to be a household name by now.

Exiled is a great place to start if you want to get into To's films. It's got everything you need in a heroic bloodshed film. And if you're a fan of Leone (and really, who the hell isn't?) you'll be even more satisfied. Considering it's on my list for best films of the decade, it goes without saying that this is a must see.

Coming Soon! Favourite Films of the Decade!

2009-10-06T22:54:00.000-07:00

You read that right. I'm going to get an early start on counting down my favourite films of the decade. I'd never be so bold as to call them the "best" films of the decade, but look into your heart and you'll know I'm right with every one of my picks. I figure, if I start the countdown now, there is a good chance I can have it done by the end of the decade. And seriously, what are the chances that a film will come out between now and 2010 that will make the list? One trillion to one? Maybe more. It's only Oscar season coming up. Nevertheless, most lists I make up (and I loves me my lists) are out of date once I see all the movies I've missed from such and such a time. I'm confident that the first couple films will likely stay put, but #8 and up are on very shaky ground. It's not like I've seen every film of the decade (just the ones that matter holmes).

Also, I probably won't have many recent films on the list. It's easy to get gung-ho after seeing a Drag Me to Hell or Watchmen, and maybe want to throw them high on the list. I'd like to give them a little more time to gestate, and who knows, something like Drag Me to Hell may eventually make number one once I watch it multiple times and make a tradition out of it. So remember, this list is really fucking unfair to new films. That's the kind of piece of work that I am.

These films are not up for debate, because I'm actually using scientific methods to judge their merit. After I've done all the tests in my laboratory, I'll put them up you lucky devils and then you can nod your heads knowingly are rearrange your list accordingly. Have fun!

Crank: High Voltage - The most negative insanely positive review ever!

2009-09-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

First there was Crank, an over the top action film that reminded the viewer of Grand Theft Auto. Thought the movie didn't do overly well theatrically, it did well enough on DVD to merit a sequel. And hence this masterpiece was born.

I was immediately reminded of the work of Takashi Miike, particularly the beginning and end sequences from Dead or Alive. Crank: High Voltage is like a feature length version of those scenes, keeping the energy and insanity throughout it's entire running time. And much like another great sequel, Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn, though it always keeps the pedal to the metal, it never becomes tiresome. That's partly because it stars Jason Statham, the best action star out there today, who seldom could be accused of being a pretty boy. Granted, he doesn't have the rugged, hard assed features of a Charles Bronson or Lee Marvin, but he's got charisma and believability when it comes to kicking ass. Even in his worst films he is quite watchable. What also helps the film is it's unpredictability. Whereas the first part may have been outrageous, it stayed grounded in reality for the most part. Crank 2 is batshit crazy. For the audience members who said, "Yeah right" when Statham fell out of a helicopter, made a phone call, landed on a car and survived in the first part, they're throat will get sore from saying "As if" every 5 seconds for it's complete running time. The sequel could give a rat's ass about realism and is all the better for it. The first Crank was certainly entertaining, but this one is swinging for the fences, and for the most part succeeds. Another factor is the stellar soundtrack by Mike Patton. Though it is very much in the forefront and demands attention, it never gets in the way of the film, but only enhances it. During a recurring musical theme, Statham himself starts whistling along to the soundtrack, somewhat recalling Eliot Gould singing along to the score of The Long Goodbye (could have I picked 2 films more further in tone?)

One problem I did have with the film though was it's continuous use of racist comments and names throughout. I'm not a prude when it comes to this (says the white middle-class man who grew up amongst mostly his own people), but I have to admit I didn't really find it that necessary. I know it's a response (by white people) against being politically correct, and it adds to the lewd, "we don't give a fuck about nothing!" attitude, but this film really doesn't need that. Having Statham call people chinks, slant-eyes and cuntonease really did make me uncomfortable after a while. And it also feels cheap because it seems Asians are one of the last races white people can make fun of and ridicule. Oh yeah, and Mexicans too, which this film mercilessly makes fun of. As long as it's a minority group that they won't be vilified for making fun of, it seems some writers take great pleasure in doing so. Take the latest Die Hard, where the Chinese woman was constantly referred to by our hero as a "Chinese bitch". Nice. Being Chinese and a woman are both derogatory.

Still, though a little put off by the constant racism I really love the film and I'd love to hear the writer/director's reason for it. Hopefully it's not, "We all just need to lighten up". I always hate when white dudes tell minorities to, "Whoa, calm down. It's cool that I'm making fun of you. Take a chill pill minority". It's like that guy who has a black friend that doesn't mind that his white friends poke fun with him. Now reverse that. You're one of the few white guys amongst a country of black people, and you learn that if you make a fuss you will not fit in. Suddenly you're much cooler with people poking fun at you. And it makes the white folk feel so good that you think they're cool enough to call you names. (Must stop typing.... turning into rant). It's just funny how a lot of white people are "cool" with being politically incorrect. Why the fuck wouldn't they be? It's not about them, it's about other people. Fucking white people.

Anyway, much like Antichrist, I'm such a fan of the filmmaking, storytelling and style that I'm just hoping the filmmakers aren't just assholes when it comes to their reasons for being "provocative". I hope they don't just find making fun of other races funny much like I hope Von Trier doesn't just hate women. I pray they are just shit disturbers since I want to like their films so much. (on a side note, since so many people are "cool" with Von Trier's Antichrist potentially being about woman's inherent evil, a woman I know said she wonders if as many people would be okay if instead of woman, Von Trier made the movie about black people being born evil. I said the critics would have a shit fit and the movie would probably be banned. To this she responded that today it's still okay to hate women. Good point.)

But don't get me wrong, I don't hate any of the films I've mentioned. Crank: High Voltage is a 5 star film, Antichrist is 4 and a half stars and even the Die Hard flick is 4 stars. It just seems intolerance in movies is getting overlooked. When it's done in South Park, it's done for parody, or to point out the ridiculousness of it. Sometimes it feels like this movie has that South Park attitude, and I just hope it also has the brains to go with it. (another side note, when I complained about the racism in Crank to the same woman I talked to about Antichrist, she asked why I was put off by the racism in movies, but not by all the people killing each other. I guess we choose what we are a prude about). I should also mention, I'm not one of those people who think everyone else are sheep, easily lead into believing violence, sexism or racism are fine because they see it in the movies, so despite my criticism of Crank: High Voltage and other films, I don't believe they are dangerous in any way. I also realize that everyone in the film is essentially a villain, and "that's how they talk" (if that is where the filmmakers decide to honour realism). So essentially, forget what I'm saying, sit back and enjoy the insanity.

TIFF - MOTHER

2009-09-23T17:20:00.000-07:00

The last movie I saw this year, and a darned good one at that.

It was the last day of the festival, only hours after seeing the fantastic Symbol, and I had a hankering to see the new Bong Joon-ho film, Mother. Only one problem, when I went to buy tickets beforehand it had already been sold out for a while. It was nearing 5 pm and the movie was set to start just after six. Dare I try the rush line? After debating (with myself) for another 15 minutes I decided, what the heck, the theater's a short walk from where I live and the worst that can happen is I won't be let in. So with my trusty iPod in hand, playing the book podcast from Mondo Movie, I headed out to try my luck. Upon my arrival I realized there was no fucking way in hell I was getting in. I had convinced myself that it was the last day of the festival so maybe everyone had gone home and there would be seats galore. One look at the ticket holders line, then the rush line told me I'd been an idjit to think as much. But I had to try, it was Bong Joon-ho for crying out loud.

I approached one of the film festival volunteers and asked what she thought the odds of me getting in were. Much to be expected, she said she didn't have a clue, sometimes they let in 50 people, other times nobody. Well, I guess you can figure out that I was headed to the rush line.

Wait! But you're wrong fuckers! Much to my amazement (the volunteer's too) a nice lady came up to me and asked if I was looking for tickets to Mother. I managed to say, "yes" before my jaw hit the ground. I thanked her and reached for my wallet, but she would have none of it. She had been given them and she would not accept one penny in return. Luuuucky (imagine being said in the voice of Napoleon Dynamite). I walked with my head held high to the ticket holders line, laughing at all the fucking losers standing in the rush line. Goddamned assholes.

So then the movie started. Right from the opening credits it's apparent that Bong Joon-ho is behind the camera. Not that it is similar to his other works, but every frame of this film exudes the confidence he's seemed to have since his Memories of Murder (I still haven't seen his debut). Surprisingly, though it starts out peculiar, it settles into what could be called a borderline mainstream Hitchcockian thriller. Kim Hye-Ja turns in an amazing performance as the desperate mother out to prove her son's innocence after he is arrested for murdering a schoolgirl. Her son is slow-witted, suffering from memory loss and is easily coerced by the police into signing a confession. The movie moves along at a nice pace while still maintaining quiet moments as the mother uncovers clues and suspects leading towards the devastating conclusion.

With this film Bong Joon-Ho has skyrocketed onto my shortlist of favourite directors. Though I still prefer Memories of Murder and The Host, Mother shows a director who is willing to take chances while telling a great story. Also, whether the film is about murder, or a giant monster, there is a very human element and a deep sense of sadness. I anxiously await his next film, and will try and get the tickets beforehand, I can't imagine getting that lucky twice.

TIFF - SYMBOL

2009-09-22T14:28:00.000-07:00

My favourite film of the three I saw this year. The director purposely has allowed barely anything to be written about this great little comedy/surreal flick. From what I could tell from the trailer, a man in pajamas wakes up in a white room, sees a baby penis sticking out of the wall and is suddenly surrounded by cherubs. And an old guy barks at a bunch of dogs. From this little trailer I knew this was a must see. Also, it was directed by Hitoshi Matsumoto, the genius behind Big Man Japan. I remember when I finally got around to watching BMJ I did not expect to be near as amazing as it was. Along with being crazy, surreal, and visually stunning, it was also a melancholy story of a man who has difficulty with the life before him and sadness from the life behind him. Brilliant stuff.

Much to my shock, I think I may have enjoyed Symbol even more. Though I was confident it was going to be good, I was given a little reason to worry. While perusing DVDs in Suspect Video (awesome video store) I overheard a fella who had just seen Symbol at the midnight showing the night before. "It was terrible," he proclaimed, "I don't know why Colin would even choose this for a Midnight Madness film. Everyone hated it!". Yikes! I didn't want to hear that! I had even managed to talk my wife into seeing it with me (more like she volunteered to see it, but I still didn't want it to suck. It's hard enough convincing her to see crazy films with me). But then this guy continued, "I mean, Big Man Japan sucked as well!" I breathed a sigh of relief as he went on, "Remember the good old days, when it was Nick Zedd films?". Nick Zedd? Yuck! It looked like I had averted trusting this guys opinion even slightly. And anyway he was wrong as a thong (put on backwards).

I don't want to give anything away about the film except that it is a hell of a lot deeper than the trailer makes it out to be (much like BMJ). It seems Matsumoto tries to shed light on the unfairness of life and the frivolity of a higher being in an entertaining way. I don't know if he has suffered himself or has just seen various injustices throughout his life, but this film seems like a fair response. Geez, on second thought I hope I'm not giving too much away, but I really hope everyone sees this and doesn't just dismiss it as another "craaaazy" Japanese film. This really is a wonderful work by an amazing artist. With this and BMJ, much like Noe, Matsumoto has proven that he is a distinctive artist with an original vision that audiences should stop and pay attention to. Trust me, if Symbol isn't the movie to make him breakout, eventually film fans will know his name by heart. A great movie and a great theater experience.

TIFF- ENTER THE VOID

2009-09-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

It was with much anticipation that I was going to be seeing Gaspar Noe's Enter the Void at this year's Toronto Film Festival.I had previously seen I Stand Alone at TIFF, knowing nothing about it before the screening, and afterwards having a new favourite filmmaker. Next was the rapey, head-bashing-inny, Irreversible, another masterpiece in nihilistic filmmaking. Now came Noe's epic, the 2 1/2 hour plus Enter the Void. I avoided finding out anything, wanting to go in with as little info as possible. Even after reading the one line imdb plot synopsis, I felt I knew too much.

As the lights dimmed and I took another swig of my large Coke I prepared for a trip akin to David's in 2001. I wasn't far off either. The film follows a drug dealer/junkie, Oscar and his misadventures in Tokyo. The film is shot from his POV, even to the point where we hear the thoughts in his head, like, "This is the good stuff" referring to the drugs he is going to smoke, and "This stuff is shit!". However, once those drugs kick in, Noe does his best to give the viewer as real an experience as Oscar himself. I won't go to much into detail, but it did remind me (and I'm sure everyone else who's seen it) of the end of 2001.

Later, his buddy Alex shows up, explains the Tibetan Book of the Dead, setting up the rest of the movie that I wouldn't dream of spoiling, and off they go to visit Oscar's stripper sister.

Enter the Void could possibly be the most cinematic film I've ever seen. After Irreversible I remember thinking how much would be lost in viewing it on even the largest home theater system. However, watching Enter the Void in anything but a cinema would seem ludicrous. Whereas Irreversible at least had some shocking and entertaining moments and characters that the audience is intrigued with to go with it's style, Enter the Void is all about the style. It's absolutely hypnotic.

Now here is where my warning should come in, and dammit, please heed it. I was a foolish, arrogant bastard, laughing merrily while going to the confection area and ordering a large Coke. Now anyone who has tried this Coke drink (also known as Coca Cola) knows that it is a very delicious drink. Heck, I'd go as far as to say it could be one of the best beverages out there. So I strutted in the theater, sipping my Coke from a straw without a worry in the world. "Fuck not drinking Coke" I thought as I took my seat in the crowded theater.

Now about an hour and forty five minutes into the film I realized the error of my ways. After being completely mesmerized for the running time suddenly my bladder was demanding my full attention. It's hard to fall under the film's spell when your thoughts are something like, "Oh my God do I have to pee. Should I go to the bathroom? But I don't want to miss it. On imdb it said this is the short version so just hold it in punk".

Shortly thereafter I realized imdb was as full of shit as I was full of piss. If only I had taken an aisle seat. Was missing 5 minutes of the film worth enjoying the rest of the film without crossed legs and fears of waterfalls suddenly appearing on screen?

I decided to stick it out, and though I was begging the film to end so I could empty my aching bladder, I still really loved it. In fact, I will definitely see it again, in the theater, with a small Coke.

Now some folk may call Enter the Void pretentious, which I guess can't be argued. But in my mind some filmmakers are totally allowed to be that way. Lynch, Jodorowsky, Noe and others know a lot more about their personal artistic vision than anyone else does, so let them do their thing. I know some people who seem to want to put restrictions on some of the more visionary directors. Kind of like, "Okay, you made your crazy, personal films, now conform so we can take you seriously". Heck even Ebert essentially said that the ideas in Noe's film are shallow, but to hear Noe explain, "I'm just showing the story of a little mammal amongst millions of other little mammals" is modest yet ambitious at the same time. If the filmmaker isn't audacious then it's never mentioned that the film is shallow. A lot of Woody Allen's films (most recent anyway) won't change the way anyone is living, but since he is telling a linear and fairly simple story, "shallow" never even enters the picture (also, was Beyond the Valley of the Dolls incredibly deep?). Irregardless (yes, irregardless holmes) Enter the Void will live on long after any detractors and Noe is one of the top writer/directors to look out for. You'd really be missing a once in a lifetime opportunity if you miss this when it comes out in theaters, so I urge to go to you local multiplex, where I'm certain it will be playing on multiple screens, and see it.

About this blog

2009-09-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

Well lookie here. Another guy who thinks his opinion means jack squat. Like people should stop everything they're doing and listen to his pearls of wisdom. God forbid someone not pay attention to him, the arrogant prick. Maybe his mommy should have played with him more. What a loser.

(Just letting you know, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about you. I'm pretty wicked)

Enjoy.